my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
