In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
