i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
