blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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