so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
