Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
