nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
