So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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