areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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