My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
