first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
