the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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