so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
