...so i touched it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
