Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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