Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
