Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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