I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
