I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
