Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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