they need to just BURY HIM!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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