Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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