1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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