so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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