so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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