it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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