I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
