So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
