If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
