Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
