so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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