I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have aggressive nipples.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
