I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
