if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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