dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
