As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
