We're facebook friends in real life
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
