I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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