All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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