Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
