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Fuck
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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