before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
