The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
