Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Bring me that man meat
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
