Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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