I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize