I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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