I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
