why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
