i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
