He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
