I accidentally burped into my bong.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
