I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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