i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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