dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I AM VODKA MAN
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
