I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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