Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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