Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Buhtt sex?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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