you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
