I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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