Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
