so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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