Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
