I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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