Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
