He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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