He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Boobs speak an international language.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize