did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
