So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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