She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
