you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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