Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
