My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
