Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
