I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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