not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
